Positively Pebbles: The Most Important Conversation You’ll Ever Have

As I was putting this issue of the newsletter together, I knew I had to do a little self-examination in order to see where I have been falling short on the self-talk spectrum. First, I will give myself credit for getting so much better at speaking kindly to myself. But it hasn’t always been that way. I used to talk to myself so harshly that if anyone else had said those things to me, I would have lost it. But why was it so ok for me to say those things to myself? The one person who should be the most loving.  

And when I say that I would be upset if someone else spoke to me the way I do, let’s also think about it in the context of saying those same things to someone else. Would I ever tell a friend that she’s: lazy, has no discipline, is unorganized, is stupid, makes bad decisions, etc.? No I would never! But these are some of the nasty things that I’ve said to myself in the past. If we would not say it to a friend, why are we saying it to ourselves? 

That could be one way we work on changing the negative self-talk. When you say something negative or mean to yourself, stop, say it out loud, and then say it out loud as if you’re saying it to your best friend’s face. Feels horrible right? It would make them feel horrible. So why is it always okay for us to say it to ourselves, but not our friend. We need to realize that the same kindness and care we give to the words we say to those we love, is the same kindness and care we need to give to ourselves.  

We have to start recognizing, and reframing, the comments we make to ourselves. One that I just can’t seem to shake when I talk about myself, or that I say to myself, is that I’m lazy. The truth is, I am far from lazy and have been a hard worker my whole life. I find that I tell myself I’m lazy when I spend too much time in bed, or on the couch, or binge-watch too much TV. The reality is, I’m not lazy, I’m exhausted and my body needs to rest. But because we’re such a go, go, go society that values hustle “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” culture, we think something is wrong with us, and we fault ourselves when our bodies tell us to go get some rest. When you say something negative to yourself, do some quick fact-checking. What’s the truth? That’s where you need to look.  

I think when I tell myself something negative, I’m just going to start talking back to that voice and just say something like, “lies,” “shut it,” or “nope.” I think if we start doing that, our minds are going to be a lot more peaceful.  

Positively yours,
Pebbles 💜 

Make sure to check out The Positively Pebbles podcast, available here, or wherever you get your podcasts.